This entry might be a bit disturbing to read. So if you have strong religious beliefs you just might want to skip reading this.
You've been warned.
Recently a lot has been going on with me, some not great and it's made me start reflecting on my life so far and where I think it's going. I took a trip home last week (yeah, which home) to see family and friends and just to be around the core value system I had before coming to L.A.
Don't think for a moment that somehow I am regretting moving here. I know coming out west was absolutely the right choice at this point in my life. But I guess being so new to the environment I've already encountered a few questionable people here. On top of that a few health scares and I guess you start seeing the world in a fourth dimension.
My mortality has been on my mind and if I should die at this moment all the things I stand to lose. Material things like the toys I've been collecting for the last few years but more importantly friendship formed through year of nurturing. At that moment of dying all these thoughts probably would be flooding my mind at once, fighting for that last recall, like a person who's about to drown trying to get that last breathe in.
I know at this point you're thinking well you have to have faith in God, the after life, the spirit world, other realms of existence. But what if death is as simple as what is in front of us. Like a leaf, you grow and die, the end. Every thought you ever had gone. Fearing death would probably make sense if you felt you had a lot to live for.
While in New York a friend of mine was telling me about someone who had a family member who's developing Alzheimer. And while I listened to her tell me about how upset the family was, etc. I could help but think, is Alzheimer really all that bad.
Here's a disease as we call it that slowly robs you of your memory. To the point you might even forget how to wipe your own ass. I know with out a doubt this has to be horrible and stressful for a family to watch a love one go through this. But from the patient side, I wonder, are they being better prepared to deal with death. How can you fear something you no longer understand. And how can you fear losing something if you have no memories of ever having it to begin with.
If you're looking for a point to this, there isn't, remember I told you from the start that at the moment I am seeing the world in a fourth dimension.
Though if you really need a point to this, here it is. Even though you may lose all memories of who you are and the people you know. They on the other hand will more than likely remember you. So I guess if anything try to leave some memories behind. A few good ones if possible.